Media Addict? Living a Day Without Digital Immediacy in Middle of a Pandemic

I hate losing.

It's true, I really hate losing. So being unable to accomplish the goal of "No-Digital-Media-For-One-Day" was like admitting defeat. And I don't like admitting defeat

But let's delve into this bitter loss. Why did I fail to go 24 hours without digital media? Why was it so hard?

Awareness of my Loneliness: The Insecurities of Digital Relationships.

Taking it back to the beginning, I attempted to go a day without access to the internet or instantaneous messaging. This meant no tagging friends in memes, no posting on my finsta about how bored I am or how excited I was over a new show, no video calling my boyfriend, nothing.

I was antsy to message my boyfriend especially. We call a lot. Throughout the day, we do our work in silence during a video call- motivation for me to stay on track. But every time I had a random thought or a pang of hunger, I could say it out loud and know I would be heard.

It masked the feeling of loneliness when you're really all alone in your room. I didn't know what else to do except lie down and just be aware of how lonely I was feeling and how much I missed seeing my friends in person.

It made me so aware that even digitally, it doesn't feel enough to just be heard. I want to be present with my friends and I so dearly miss casually touching them, leaning my head on their shoulder, hugging them randomly or when saying hello and goodbye. I miss patting heads and tip toeing to reach my taller friends. I miss just casually being friends and expressing comfort with them via physical touch.

I miss my boyfriend and holding his warm hands and I miss the butterflies I always feel when he kisses my forehead. I miss leaning against him and being overly affectionate with a great big hug. I love resting my cold feet on his lap when watching a movie and I miss tracing hearts on his hand to remind him I love him.

(Gross, I know! Cringe!!)

I miss my extended family and playing with the toddlers. I miss spinning them around in the air, reading to them storybooks, and giving them piggy back rides. I miss running around with them and exaggeratedly entertaining them with giant gestures. I miss casually hanging out with the cousins closer to my age, giving them hugs and relaxing together and knowing that we're there for each other. I realized how little time I spend with my family and how much time I spent on school, on personal pursuits, and on any other area of my life. I wanted to send a message to my cousins reminding them I'm here for them if they need me. But even then, would they understand my sincerity behind those words? That I worry for them, even when I don't message for months at a time?

I just miss pouring love into every action. Those feelings were always there, even when I had access to digital technology. But going without the internet made me so aware of this lonely feeling I've been having. It made me think of the fact that it will be so long for things to be "normal" and that it will take a while before people feel remotely comfortable with physical contact. So, for an escape, I would nap and try to go to sleep for as long as possible.

I was lonely and aware, with no band-aid over the fact that I wouldn't be able to see these people for a long while. So if anyone friends and family is reading this, please know: I miss you, I love you, and I can't wait for the day I can hug you again.

Productivity and Digital Media: How Can Collaboration Exist Without Instant Feedback.

Living without access to the internet or instantaneous messaging was horrible. I felt like my productivity went waayyyy down. I cannot stress enough how antsy I was feeling.

As a student during a pandemic, I rely on the internet. Going a day without it meant I couldn't listen to lectures, watch informational YouTube videos, or research project ideas. I couldn't work with my group on our final group project for that time and despite prepping for that and communicating beforehand, I was filled with anxiety knowing that they could be attempting to reach me or ask questions.

A few times, I peeked at my phone to see if I got a message (I did) and debated whether to respond (I did not). I had to think about if this was an issue that needed to be resolved (it was not) and reminded myself to slow down. But at the same time, it felt so horrible to ignore my work.

Help! I Forgot How to Live a Life!

No tech also meant no online entertainment. How was I supposed to get through my day without rewatching another cartoon or anime! How was I supposed to distract myself from the perils of life without playing Genshin Impact!

Alone with my thoughts and unable to cope with my sadness and loneliness in my habitual way, I had a much needed reminder to slow down. To not respond to everything. To actually talk to my brother.

My brother drove me to an outlook that had a view of the beach. I read part of a book for an hour while the sun showered me in its warmth. The contents of the book made me smile and admire the people working behind the movie I love dearly.

(not taken day of, just the picture of the beach)

I smiled, and though I felt anxious to check my phone, I kept it in my bag. I only ever used it to call my brother as it got dark, so I can ask for a ride back home.

Immediately, the urge to entertain myself with digital media bubbled and I logged onto my computer, updated my boyfriend about the failure, and played some Genshin.

The failure to get through the day without digital technology weighed upon me. I felt so dumb, so reliant, as technology is so obviously an extension to myself.

But, to say the experiment failed completely? I think taking the time to reframe it more as a lesson would be so beneficial. I didn't fail, I learned more about myself.

I learned that I need to learn to slow down because I have been equating my self-worth to how productive I can be.

I learned that I have been so lonely, and that my insecurities manifest in my digital media use.

I learned that it can be nice to sit outside, even during a pandemic. That I don't need to take a picture of every sunset, and it's okay to just sit outside and read for fun.

It's also a good reminder that art comes from living your life, and as a newly aspiring creative, I have to live my life to create representational art. I can't just live my life on the internet.

So, after this pandemic, when my entire academic career is not on the internet and when I can see my friends, I think it would be a good time to unplug again.

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Engage with Me!

• Do you think you'd ever try to unplug for 24 hours, just to try it? And do you think you could do it? How do you think you would feel?

• How has this pandemic affected you? Are you online more because of it?

• How have you been coping these past few months?